Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk... The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run...
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"Знаете почему мне нравится эта работа? Бодрит!" (с)
http://flash-and-ice.livejournal.com
rvmeste.ru - учиться надо весело)
Не так уж много в жизни нужно: луч солнца, бриз, за лесом мыс, уютный сад, десяток книжек и.... смысл
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Вы понимаете, что стареете, когда начинаете платить за свечи больше, чем за торт.
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And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another?
If a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
English is a weird language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going!!!
War never determines who's right. War only determines who's left.
_________________
"Знаете почему мне нравится эта работа? Бодрит!" (с)
http://flash-and-ice.livejournal.com
rvmeste.ru - учиться надо весело)
Не так уж много в жизни нужно: луч солнца, бриз, за лесом мыс, уютный сад, десяток книжек и.... смысл
_________________ Добро пожаловать в Сладкую группуhttp://vk.com/tvorcheskayakonditerskaya на Вкусные занятияhttp://vk.com/vkusnyiezanyatiya в Английскую кулинарную школу The Little Chefhttp://vk.com/thelittlechef
_________________ Добро пожаловать в Сладкую группуhttp://vk.com/tvorcheskayakonditerskaya на Вкусные занятияhttp://vk.com/vkusnyiezanyatiya в Английскую кулинарную школу The Little Chefhttp://vk.com/thelittlechef
About 20 years ago somebody buy a book with an english humor. On English, of course. I read this book, but I couldn't find there any funny joke. All of them was stupid and couldn't make me laugh.
I'm sorry for mistakes, I'm so long without any writing or speaking English Uzhass...
_________________ Очень популярным стало выражение: я девушка, я не хочу ничего решать, я хочу платье. Мужской ответ: я мужчина, я хочу все решить, снимай платье.
About 20 years ago somebody buy a book with an english humor. On English, of course. I read this book, but I couldn't find there any funny joke. All of them was stupid and couldn't make me laugh.
I'm sorry for mistakes, I'm so long without any writing or speaking English Uzhass...
May be... I'm going to get a job in Germany corporation this summer. I think, foreign language can help me in my plans.
_________________ Очень популярным стало выражение: я девушка, я не хочу ничего решать, я хочу платье. Мужской ответ: я мужчина, я хочу все решить, снимай платье.
May be... I'm going to get a job in Germany corporation this summer. I think, foreign language can help me in my plans.
Cool! so you have a motivation!!! I wrote some tips here index.php?topic=3760.new#new and here index.php?topic=707.new#new are some tasks if you like it)))) What are you going to do there? (in that company, I mean, what kind of job are you waiting for?
Thanks. I’m an engineer. This year international corporation Siemens will open transformation factory in Russia. It will be near Voronezh. They need some people, because there is no electrotechnical cathedra in universities of that city.
_________________ Очень популярным стало выражение: я девушка, я не хочу ничего решать, я хочу платье. Мужской ответ: я мужчина, я хочу все решить, снимай платье.